Wait and See

This has been a tough week for me emotionally. I found myself neglecting my personal care (not sleeping, not eating, not doing my hair) and my spiritual care (not doing my bible plans, not reading my devotionals or bible).

It’s easy to hold on to God when things are going okayish but in times of confusion I find myself in my own thoughts and emotions. Quite honestly that’s where the devil wants me. He knows that I’m an empath and I feel things intensely. When I’m happy I’m joyful but in times of sadness I almost feel depressed.

I caught up on my devotionals and I can’t say that they made me feel better ,but they did give me hope that there’s a purpose for everything that’s occurring.

In the past I’ve ran from my emotions and tried to cover them up with either another person or another thing. The results are those same emotions resurfacing at the worst times. I’m taking this time to handle every emotion and get to the root of why I feel it. Why am I angry ? Why do I feel neglected? Why do I feel lonely ? Why do I not feel important?

My idle mind has been telling me so many things. Some things are hard not to believe and some things I know aren’t true. It’s tough being in quarantine and not being able to go out and do the things that made me feel better. I miss simply taking my girls to a park or going shopping with them.

Being in solitude is hard. I would love to be comforted. For now, I’ll continue to wait and see how God will bring the glory out of this mess.

Difficulty in Grace

A month or two ago I found myself blindsided by finding out that my youngest daughter’s dad had another child on the way, 2 months before the due date.  I was angry and worried. Some of the anger from years ago when we were together came back to the forefront. I said some choice words and let the flame inside me singe every piece of my character. I won’t go into deep details pertaining the situation ,but I’m sure that we who are no longer with our child/children’s parent worry about how they will be able to balance taking care of multiple children in different households. What kind of pressures and confusion could this bring about? This was one of many situations where I let my flesh outshine my spirit.

I coin that event as a turning point in my faith. I didn’t like my reaction and I was honestly disappointed in myself. I knew that God, most of all,was not pleased. I realized that just as God gave him a child, imagine what he has in store for me BUT only if I became more intentional in my faith. The Bible speaks many times on God giving us the desires of our hearts and taking care of us. He will make sure that my daughters and myself lack in nothing. I forgot that he’s made a way for us over and over. Earthly circumstances have nothing on heavenly authority.  Every day can bring a new challenge however I now know where my help comes from and will continue to come from

Life throws things at us that we are often not prepared for. Sometimes people will disappoint us. I learned that it’s important to TRY to extend grace. Being on Earth is not easy. Being a Christian today isn’t easy either. God loves when we move in ways that glorify the Him in us. He’s not looking for perfection but that honest feeling of moving towards better. The devil knows our weak points and knows exactly when to sneak in to make a situation seem like God can’t bring the glory out of it. 

Takeaways

1.Remember where our help comes from

2. Extend grace even when it’s so hard

3. Remember that a negative reaction is exactly what the devil wants

4. Walk away, pray, and take a breather in anger

5. Just because a situation is over doesn’t mean it’s over, healing is Powerful

Equally Yoked

2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

For years I’ve wondered what that verse meant. What exactly is being yoked and why is it mentioned in the Bible?After some brief studying I realized exactly why this verse is important for Christians.

Yoked means bonded together or teamed up. When we think about how this word reflects our lives, friendships and romantic relationships come to mind. Have you ever been around someone with a sour attitude and it rubbed off on you?

A famous pastor once said “don’t expect to soar like eagles when all you hang around is chickens”. In friendships we have to be sure that we are yoked with people who respect and support our growth in God, encourage us to succeed, and reflects who we are.

It can be hard to tell someone that you can’t do the things that you used to anymore.

In relationships, this verse is extremely important. It’s important to have a partner who pursues God in the same way that you do. When I was dating I came across guys who listed “Christian” on their profiles, but after some conversation I realized that their Christian and my Christian weren’t the same. See, Christian is just a title or a group that we can label ourselves with. The real efforts of a Christian is what we do behind closed doors. I wanted someone who knew how to pray and wanted to know God on a deeper level. Someone who could pray for us when things got tough. It can be difficult to bond with someone if you can’t connect on the top tier of your existence, God. It’s one thing if your partner doesn’t like your same type of music or is more extroverted than you are, but our faith and spirituality shapes how we handle LIFE.

It’s not likely that we will find friends or a romantic partner that worships, prays, and studies exactly as we do. Everyone has their own way of connecting with God HOWEVER the fire in their hearts should burn like yours.

Lord Guide Me

Often times we look for signs from God as to what he wants us to do with our lives. It can be nerve wrecking especially for a young Christian like myself. I’m constantly worried about if my choices and decisions are what he wants me to do or if I’ve disappointed Him.

Is this job right for me? Is this person right for me? What do I say to this person that hurt me? How to I mend a broken relationship with a family member? How can I stop this bad habit that I have ?

These are all important questions and they are all questions I’ve had and wanted immediate answers from God. Unfortunately there’s no immediate answers or no printed plan that comes with us at birth, wouldn’t that be perfect?! Everything that He wants us to know is in the word of God. God also blessed us with a powerful connection tool called prayer. So what’s the catch?

God also doesn’t have an answering machine where we leave our voicemails and her returns our calls. I’ve learned that in order to hear Him our minds have to be quiet. When our minds are consumed with chaos, worry, doubt, UnForgiveness, and anger it’s too loud for God to get through. Peace and chaos cannot exist. I’ve had my greatest realizations while reading my Bible. There wasn’t a loud voice present that instructed what to do, something would just hit me and I immediately knew what needed to be done.

Also I learned how important it is to take heed to what God is showing us. Sometimes what God is showing us isn’t necessarily what we want to hear. It might ruin our plans or mean that we have to end a relationship. One of the best things I’ve realized is that God is like an overprotective dad. He tells us no over and over again and we still dabble with things that He knows will ultimately hurt us. I’ve been there more than once. He knows all and sees all. He has a plan to prosper us. All we have to do is be spiritually available. That’s something I’m working on daily❤️

Lessons Dads Teach Their Daughters

Growing up, my dad wasn’t always there. He left for another state before I entered elementary school. Over the years he would call and occasionally visit. Although I loved my dad, I felt like he was always missing out on my life. After much prayer and some trauma unpacking, I realized that a lot of what I allowed myself to accept in adulthood was due to the relationship I had with my dad.

I was perfectly fine with men giving me less than 100%. Looking back, I would say that I was okay with much less than half. Anything a guy told me, I believed. He would sell me false dreams and I would fall for them with stars in my eyes. “We’re getting a house” “I’m going to marry you” “I’m going to buy you xyz” “you’re the only girl I’m into” “I’m gonna move you in” “I’m going to take care of you and your daughter” “I want a baby”(with no commitment to me at all). The list goes on unfortunately. The same dreams were likened to what I heard growing up “I’m coming to see you” “I’m sending you something” “I’m moving back home” “you can come stay with me when I get my life together” “I’m going to call you tomorrow” this list goes on as well.

I’m in no way trying to bash my father. We have slowly been rebuilding our relationship. I’m thankful for that.

We would like to believe that we go for the opposite of what we experienced growing up. But what if we perceived what we experienced as love? I was 23 when I finally got to the root of my poor taste in men. Nobody understood why I was putting myself through so much trauma for men who didn’t exemplify my worth in Christ. Back then I didn’t even see my own worth. If I didn’t know my own value, men could put whatever price they wanted on me and I’d just go with it. He could do the most basic thing and I’d feel like I owe him everything. A real man doesn’t see you for what you can do for them. A real man sees you the way that God sees you : an imperfect being but so worthy of real love and grace.

Today, I’m much stronger. I’ve unpacked all of my negative habits and vowed to stand on my worth and be vocal about what I want and need.

What can Dads do to Nurture their Daughters

• Be present
• Don’t make promises you can’t keep
• Show her how she’s supposed to be treated
• Make time to check in and ask what she needs
• Be respectful to other women
• Be vocal about her worth in Christ
• Support her

No child should navigate the world on a guess. “I guess this is what I’m supposed to accept”. Psalm 127:3 tells us that children are a reward from God. God didn’t bless us with these children so that we could throw them into this world without the tools that we were supposed to instill in them as parents. We are their guides and protectors. We’re not prefect, God knows that. But we cannot plant negative seeds in our children and expect good fruit. Yes, God can transform even the most traumatized heart but we do not want that to be the starting point.

Being Introverted

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been an introvert. I thrive in my own space where I have free reign to relax and do the things I enjoy (read, YouTube, Pinterest, play computer games, write, and nap). All of my family and friends are completely accepting of me and my preferences which has made things a lot easier

In the past some have taken my quietness as distance and rudeness. I don’t mind socializing but my social battery quickly depletes in spaces where I’m not in my element.When I’m in my element I can present as extroverted. That means that if I can talk about things that interest me it’s not uncomfortable to be social. I can go on and on about certain topics.

Because of my personality, it’s always been easy for me to sympathize with others. Growing up as an introvert wasn’t the easiest. School was extremely anxiety inducing for me. I remember so many anxiety attacks (I didn’t know what they were back then )and trauma that came from bullying. Luckily, time and a whole lot of Jesus healed those wounds. I have a special place in my heart for people who feel like they don’t fit in.

As an adult I’m more vocal about not being forced to do anything that makes me uncomfortable. I absolutely can’t stand being told to “talk” “stop being so shy”. It’s triggering. I’m no longer a child and I have the right to politely walk away from anything I don’t want to participate in. People are understanding as long as I take the initiative to communicate my feelings.

Understanding the Introvert

• Understand that nobody deserves to be uncomfortable in any social setting
• Don’t try to force them to be social
• Be kind!

We are already complete

When we think of a family , most of us think of dad, mom, & kids living together under one roof. Today I challenge you to redefine what family is. The literal definition of family is people related by blood. To me family is people who support, nurture, and love one another who are committed to the unit’s growth and wellbeing. That’s what I have with my girls and I.

I used to be so sure that I needed a man to complete our family. Of course, I will/want to get married ,but I don’t view us (my girls and I) as incomplete. I don’t think that we’re missing something. Whoever asks for my hand will be joining a happy, thriving family and must add to the joy and love that’s already there.

I remember letting society, social media, and internal pressures get me down about not having what others had. I saw the beautiful family pictures and the holidays with mom, dad, &the kids all waking up together. What I didn’t/won’t see is what those people had to go through and are currently going through to hold their families together. I learned to be patient and be grateful for the current moment I am in. Over and over the Bible tells us to seek Him first and all things will be added unto us.

Don’t Restrict Yourself

Do all things you want to do! Take that trip with your kids, take those family photos, celebrate! Just because we don’t have the traditional family doesn’t mean we can’t rejoice in what we have. God didn’t throw us away just because we are single parents. His grace extends to ALL of us! Proverbs 4:25
“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.”

This verse means so much to me. It’s very easy to look left and right at what others have. It’s human and it’s okay to have those feelings, BUT it’s not okay to sulk and lay in those feelings. Anytime I find myself feeling that way I think of the woman that will be ready for a husband in the future. He’ll be getting a seasoned mother, someone who will be strong in her faith, and someone who has prayed for him before he even showed up. Let’s fix our gazes on what’s important, our beautiful kids and the families we have right here today. 🤎

Why I Deleted Facebook

The day after Christmas I decided to delete my Facebook. Why? I was tired of the negative news stories, misinformation, drama, politics, tragedy,and un-authenticity. I beleive that it was starting to have a subliminal effect over me. Also, how many times have you hate posted or hate shared when you were angry?. I didn’t want my account to be a subtle journal of what I was going through. I also wanted to focus on my own life rather than have the ability to peek into the lives of strangers.

I’m guilty of searching an ex and seeing what they’re up to. I’m also guilty of snooping. It’s too easy. All we need to know is someone’s name. None of this is healthy though. We can get so caught up in what others have going on that we can’t see what’s going on in our own lives. We can get envious and find ourselves secretly competing and comparing.

The major thing that I learned is that whoever wants access to you will get it ! They will get your number and ask for updates. You realize who’s really there vs those you were just around because they had easy access.

New Hobbies Born/Rebirthed

When I was bored I realized that I would take out my phone and scroll my feed. Now that it’s gone I’ve gotten back into writing! Hence Techin’ & Mommin’ blog ☺️. I’ve also started back with my photography. I do have two public Instagram accounts to directly connect to moms like me and to share my blog + nature photography. The best thing about Instagram is that it’s only pictures! Most importantly, my connection with myself is greater. I have recognized some things that I need to work on to be a better woman.

Takeaways

We have control over more than we think. Social media isn’t all too bad. It’s more so about who you follow and how you choose to use it. If you can’t completely delete it ,yet can relate to things I listed above ,try setting a daily timer. Be aware that a lot of what we hear and see can affect us.

WELCOME

Welcome to my blog! I’m so happy to have you here .

I am Christina. I love tech, photography, and writing. I have two little rug rats. I’m currently a single mom but that’s not my identity. I like to think of myself as a multifaceted super woman who can do anything she puts her mind to. In my blog I want to highlight the joys as well as the struggles of dating, co-parenting, and being a working mom. I hope that you find my content relatable. Happy Blogging