Being Introverted

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been an introvert. I thrive in my own space where I have free reign to relax and do the things I enjoy (read, YouTube, Pinterest, play computer games, write, and nap). All of my family and friends are completely accepting of me and my preferences which has made things a lot easier

In the past some have taken my quietness as distance and rudeness. I don’t mind socializing but my social battery quickly depletes in spaces where I’m not in my element.When I’m in my element I can present as extroverted. That means that if I can talk about things that interest me it’s not uncomfortable to be social. I can go on and on about certain topics.

Because of my personality, it’s always been easy for me to sympathize with others. Growing up as an introvert wasn’t the easiest. School was extremely anxiety inducing for me. I remember so many anxiety attacks (I didn’t know what they were back then )and trauma that came from bullying. Luckily, time and a whole lot of Jesus healed those wounds. I have a special place in my heart for people who feel like they don’t fit in.

As an adult I’m more vocal about not being forced to do anything that makes me uncomfortable. I absolutely can’t stand being told to “talk” “stop being so shy”. It’s triggering. I’m no longer a child and I have the right to politely walk away from anything I don’t want to participate in. People are understanding as long as I take the initiative to communicate my feelings.

Understanding the Introvert

  • Understand that nobody deserves to be uncomfortable in any social setting
  • Don’t try to force them to be social
  • Be kind!

A Surprise Engagement

I got engaged last week. It came as a complete surprise to me. Mainly because I had been giving him a hard time. I wanted our relationship to grow and not become stagnant. I wasn’t sure if he got that memo. I wanted our issues to be fixed and not blanketed. Before this event happened,I prayed. I asked God to show me the path that I needed to take in regards to my life and love life. I didn’t want my life to resemble the repetitive cycle of pain and heartbreak any longer.

I’m excited to be a wife, but I can’t fight the nerves within me. I know marriage has many inevitables. I want to have my heart and mind prepared for this new thing. My gaze has completely shifted. I do feel my life moving at the pace that I’ve been praying for FOR YEARS. I want the marriage that God intends for us to have. I want to make sure that I give this as much thought as I do with planning the big day.

This event was very eye opening. I’m honored that someone would choose me to be their wife. I’m even more honored that he’s showing so much excitement that I said . I’m excited for what’s coming next.

We are already complete

When we think of a family , most of us think of dad, mom, & kids living together under one roof. Today I challenge you to redefine what family is. The literal definition of family is people related by blood. To me family is people who support, nurture, and love one another who are committed to the unit’s growth and wellbeing. That’s what I have with my girls and I.

I used to be so sure that I needed a man to complete our family. Of course, I will/want to get married ,but I don’t view us (my girls and I) as incomplete. I don’t think that we’re missing something. Whoever asks for my hand will be joining a happy, thriving family and must add to the joy and love that’s already there.

I remember letting society, social media, and internal pressures get me down about not having what others had. I saw the beautiful family pictures and the holidays with mom, dad, &the kids all waking up together. What I didn’t/won’t see is what those people had to go through and are currently going through to hold their families together. I learned to be patient and be grateful for the current moment I am in. Over and over the Bible tells us to seek Him first and all things will be added unto us.

Don’t Restrict Yourself

Do all things you want to do! Take that trip with your kids, take those family photos, celebrate! Just because we don’t have the traditional family doesn’t mean we can’t rejoice in what we have. God didn’t throw us away just because we are single parents. His grace extends to ALL of us! Proverbs 4:25
“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.”

This verse means so much to me. It’s very easy to look left and right at what others have. It’s human and it’s okay to have those feelings, BUT it’s not okay to sulk and lay in those feelings. Anytime I find myself feeling that way I think of the woman that will be ready for a husband in the future. He’ll be getting a seasoned mother, someone who will be strong in her faith, and someone who has prayed for him before he even showed up. Let’s fix our gazes on what’s important, our beautiful kids and the families we have right here today. 🤎

Why I Deleted Facebook

The day after Christmas I decided to delete my Facebook. Why? I was tired of the negative news stories, misinformation, drama, politics, tragedy,and un-authenticity. I beleive that it was starting to have a subliminal effect over me. Also, how many times have you hate posted or hate shared when you were angry?. I didn’t want my account to be a subtle journal of what I was going through. I also wanted to focus on my own life rather than have the ability to peek into the lives of strangers.

I’m guilty of searching an ex and seeing what they’re up to. I’m also guilty of snooping. It’s too easy. All we need to know is someone’s name. None of this is healthy though. We can get so caught up in what others have going on that we can’t see what’s going on in our own lives. We can get envious and find ourselves secretly competing and comparing.

The major thing that I learned is that whoever wants access to you will get it ! They will get your number and ask for updates. You realize who’s really there vs those you were just around because they had easy access.

New Hobbies Born/Rebirthed

When I was bored I realized that I would take out my phone and scroll my feed. Now that it’s gone I’ve gotten back into writing! Hence Techin’ & Mommin’ blog ☺️. I’ve also started back with my photography. I do have two public Instagram accounts to directly connect to moms like me and to share my blog + nature photography. The best thing about Instagram is that it’s only pictures! Most importantly, my connection with myself is greater. I have recognized some things that I need to work on to be a better woman.

Takeaways

We have control over more than we think. Social media isn’t all too bad. It’s more so about who you follow and how you choose to use it. If you can’t completely delete it ,yet can relate to things I listed above ,try setting a daily timer. Be aware that a lot of what we hear and see can affect us.

I Don’t Just Want a Baby, I want a Family

After having two children and things not work out with their fathers, it changed my perspective on what it truly means to bring a child into this world. It’s a major decision that we can’t take back. The financial, environmental, and emotional changes and challenges are tough.

I’m one of those people who loves babies. I love their newness and how pure they are. So tiny and cuddly, but so much more comes with that. With both of my girls I experienced the mental changes that comes after having a baby. It was scary. With both of my daughters I wanted nothing more than for their dads to be in the home with me, always available to talk to me when I wasn’t feeling well. That support is everything. I wish more men understood that getting a woman pregnant is much more than that. Can he support my changing hormones in pregnancy? Uplift me? Provide support and console me in labor? And the most challenging of all – handle the new addition, plus my new body, leaking breasts, postpartum yuckiness, my daughters, aaaaaaand himself.

You know the old saying, “when you know better, do better” that’s exactly my feeling when it comes to having another child. I don’t want to rely on subpar insurance to fund my birth and prenatal care. I don’t want to experience the highs and lows of being in an uncertain relationship with my child’s father thus putting more stress on my pregnant mind and body. I don’t want to take my baby to one home while dad goes to another.I want the man who shows that he wants me in his life for good& not just in it for a baby. I want him to never leave my side during my pregnancy and postpartum. I want him to become knowledgeable of birth, postpartum care, and nursing to better support me. Most of all, I want him to be joyful that I’m carrying his child and unafraid to show it.

Let’s Talk Money

Point blank period- I do not want to struggle. New babies are expensive. It’s not just the baby gear either : Lost wages, possible job loss, childcare . Ideally I’d like to stay home with my baby for as long as I can. I can’t do that at the moment. I want to be able to take care of our home while my husband provides. I feel like the transition is much smoother that way. Far too often, single moms have to re-join the workforce 6 weeks after having a baby. I feel like that’s way soon for mom and baby.

Final Thoughts

No matter what your circumstances are, as a single mom stand firm on your beliefs. Today, having babies with a man just because is too glorified. Kids are born into volatile situations because the parents didn’t think things through. As parents we are responsible for bringing these children into healthiness and peace. Our babies don’t deserve to see us upset because dad won’t help out or because dad is”doing him” right after his/her birth. I made the mistake twice, I can’t take it back but I have control over my daughters’ and my futures TODAY 🙌🏽.

Dating as a Single Mom

DATING! When we think of dating most of us think of the personal failures we’ve had along the way. We think of the backlash we get as single moms for putting ourselves out there again ,and most importantly our child/children. Who’s going to keep them? When does he meet the kids? Should he meet my kids? It’s all so stressing and often I find myself asking if it’s even worth it.

All I Need from You is Understanding

Dating can be fun if done with the right person in the right way. I feel like the most important characteristic a man can have is understanding. He needs to be able to understand that he isn’t going to be your main focus. Will he be okay with you canceling dates because you can’t find a sitter? Will he be okay with your wishes that he can’t come over yet? If he is really into you for who you are, he will !

You Ain’t Meeting My Kids

Personally I feel like it’s healthier for moms to wait until the guy has demonstrated maturity, understanding, SANITY, & safety (google him sis) before meeting our kids. What am I missing ? THE FACT THAT HE PLANS ON HAVING A FUTURE WITH YOU. I don’t think that every man we date has to meet our kids. Only the man who shows the above characteristics. It can be scary for us and the kids to invite someone new in. We need to make sure that this person isn’t going to walk in and out of our lives especially if we’ve faced that with the child/children’s fathers. Talking to our kids beforehand and seeing where their comfort is before meeting someone is one of the most important steps. The decisions me make on a partner can have a major effect on their lives. After all, our kids will be our kids forever ,but a man can pretty much walk away when he pleases. If you see red flags don’t ignore them.

Put Your Mental Health First

A healthier you equals a healthier home life. I know it’s hard to balance all the stressors that comes with single parenting. Let’s breathe for a moment. Sometimes we think of how easy it is for the non-custodial parent to do whatever they please. They can date without any worry in the world. Don’t look at that as a positive here’s why: we are more selective of who deserves our time and energy! If the person we are dating stresses us out. It’s time to let them go. Nobody is worth our peace. We have enough to stress about. The worse thing that we can do is bring that stress and negative energy into our homes.

Pray about Everything

Pray for clarity and guidance. I know we all would love for someone to pour as much love into us as we put into our kids. It’s coming. We just have to be patient. We continue being the selfless, loving beings that we are. The man that’s the perfect fit for you and your kid/kids is out there. We are so worthy of love. We are worthy of man who honors us. Us having kids from previous relationships means that we understand unconditional love. Our kids are not baggage. Let’s kill that narrative right now. Our kids are the most beautiful parts of us.

Thanks for reading !

WELCOME

Welcome to my blog! I’m so happy to have you here .

I am Christina. I love tech, photography, and writing. I have two little rug rats. I’m currently a single mom but that’s not my identity. I like to think of myself as a multifaceted super woman who can do anything she puts her mind to. In my blog I want to highlight the joys as well as the struggles of dating, co-parenting, and being a working mom. I hope that you find my content relatable. Happy Blogging